Injury Time Out

So today was my first day in a few that my butt didn't even touch the saddle I've come to know so well. No time pedaling and no miles under my belt. But that being said it appears that it was exactly what I needed. My knee is still hurting quite a bit. There is a huge amount of compensation going on for my former ankle injury all the way from my left ankle to my shoulder. That side of my body is tense and struggling with what I'm demanding of it. So I needed some time to stop, slow down and assess where I am at, and how I want to proceed.

So this Portland respite is much needed and probably much deserved (if I do say so myself). I was treated to a wonderful 2 hour massage by Luke's house mate Dan. He is an amazing, intuitive and responsive massage therapist that worked with me and provided an outstanding amount of attention to everything I was feeling and needed. His attention and my recognition of my level of pain led me to a place of questioning whether or not I should continue. If after 5 days this is whats happening to my body, what about after 1.5 months? Can I really handle that much time on the road and in the saddle? A lot of questions and thoughts have been rolling around this noggin of mine.

I decided to relax into it and keep all options open. Maybe I do stop, take a train to San Fran and work on my ankle then restart at another time. Or maybe I take some time here in Portland (without over staying my welcome) and continue on when I feel I'm ok. Maybe I just keep going and self medicate with stretching, anti-inflammatory, and less mileage. With all options in mind I went through all of my gear and purged another 10 lbs out of my packs that I don't need to carry up all those hills every pedal of the way. It was a way of making a tangible step forward when I know that I can't really push my knee forward without just giving it time.

So it's time that I'm working on giving it. I am going to take an extra day here in Portland to just rest and recoup. I have taken extra pounds off my bike. I am going to do less miles per day and take more breaks. One of my mental goals of this trip was to slow down and be more mindful and reflective of myself and my surroundings. I have to be honest, I've got the surroundings bit down pat! I love biking through the forests and experiencing the weather. Man is it beautiful through these woods. However, I have really been missing out on the mindfulness of myself. I have been pushing too hard and I'm feeling the consequences. I feel this is an overflow of my NYC mentality. So many times when I was living in NYC I would just push hard until the next break, or until the weekend and then allow myself to recover. Now looking back this strikes me as a Binge and Recover way of living. Push push push until you can't anymore, take a few days, rest and recover but then repeat. I know this is not the way everyone does NYC. And I know that the people who knew me in NYC might not think that's the way I did it. I was not out every night of the week, I didn't party all the time, or go to tons of shows. However, I did push hard with the work I was doing, put in the extra effort and time with those I cared about. At the end of the week I was mentally and physically exhausted and in desperate need of the weekend. I would recover over Saturday and then Sunday would begin the work week for me. Taking care of household business and preparing for the week. 1 day off in 7. Not a great ratio.

Here I am on the open road, with no time limit, no need to be anywhere at a certain time and I can't seem to shake this way of being. I still pushed hard. Every pedal I felt that I needed to feel the resistance, to know that I'm pushing harder and going as fast as my little legs could carry me. What is that? What is that all about? I'm on the road to enjoy it, not beat it to pieces. So here I am, at a cross roads that I expected... kinda. I knew I would struggle with the transition out of the Big Apple. The change of pace and lifestyle after 4 years is bound to be tough and challenging. I just didn't realize it would come this soon or be this stark.

In some ways I thought that just by saying that "the goal of this journey is to slow down and reflect" that is exactly what I would do. That the goal would be a self actualizing prophecy, just by saying it BAM it is true. Instead, here I am struggling with this major transition and figuring out how to make this happen, in reality. Slowing down, reflecting, listening not only to my surroundings but to myself. These I feel are my next steps and areas for growth. I feel that I am very good at listening to others and very adept at doing what I can to cater to their needs. I have always struggled with doing the same for myself. Now, on the road, all by myself I need to find a way to make that happen. Put all my knowledge and understanding I have gained from those around me to work. I know how to do it, it's just a matter of making it happen and reaching out when I need it.

All of that Heaviness being said today was a great day. Portland was sunny and warm. People were out and enjoying it. I was able to allow myself to slow down and start to take it all in. Hanging out in the park across the street from my brothers place really helped. Nothing to do but sit and enjoy the dogs playing and the sun shining. After a good burrito from a food cart and free hand made Ice Cream (paid for by the local bank) it was a perfect way to spend an afternoon. Even if I was struggling with my knee pain and whether or not to continue my journey. Simply being able to enjoy a beautiful day made it all worth while.


I think that in the end I will take an extra rest day, slow down, stretch, push less and think more. I want to continue on, but be more mindful of how I am doing.

Be well, and do good work y'all